Lose ALL the weight!!

Patience is a virtue that I have never had the pleasure of making an acquittance of. When I was a wee slip of a girl, my parents had to go near Fort Knox security to keep me from my Christmas presents. I am the Veruca Salt type, I want it and I want it NOW.

...and I usually get it now. I'm good at getting what I want from life except this weight loss crap. I've been so good. Not eating sugar, eating vegetables ad nausuem, exercising until I am a gasping, bright red she beast and I'm still fat.

It bothers me that people can run for more than 5 minutes without gasping for air and begging for sweet, sweet death. I see them at the gym and I just can't understand how they can do that. I go out and run and go to the gym 5 days a week. Well what I do is sort of a run, walk fast, limp and wonder why the hell am I doing this sort of thing. It's still exercise. Yes, I can run farther than I did when I first started but it is so slow going.

Therein lies the rub. The crux of the biscuit if you will. All this stuff doesn't happen overnight even though I wish upon wish that it did. Probably why my previous paltry attempts in the past didn't work. I have moments where I think to myself that "Why am I doing this? It's not working.". Actually I have those thoughts all the time and they are so powerful. I don't think it's fair that some people are born thin and I certainly don't think it's fair that they don't have to wear suspenders when they run. So let me go eat a cheesecake.

Meh.

I went for my run/walk thing, let's just call it gimping, in public with, like, people around. This was scary. I mean there is nothing like a 5'10 inch 200 plus pound, tattooed woman running at you full speed but I digress. I felt embarrassed the whole time. I felt like people were looking at me and they probably were. I did it though all 3.2 miles of it. I gimped along and felt awesome after. So, all in all this might not be happening at the pace I would love to be but it's happening. Slowly but steadily. The more important thing is that I keep going, keep swimming if you will. I can't let these thoughts derail me because I know that this is my time to be the person I want.

Along with learning that eating a cookie isn't the end of the world, I have to learn to just be patient. Another thing is that I have to realize that people who talk shit about you or what you look like are small people that have their own issues...and you are the personification of it. If their lives are so small and insignificant to make fun of a person who is trying to better themselves, then for the lack of something better to say, fuck 'em.